Argh, I miss my blog. I haven't blogged for a week with some crazy stuff going around inside my head plus office commitment that I have to ensure delivery. When I woke up this morning, those dream of early retirement or maybe working part time came into mind. How I wish to spend everyday writing and writing, nourishing the joy of being self locked up at home. It would be wonderful instead of making friends outside and later hurts them.
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I must confess about those crazy stuff that I, me and myself being conversed for the past 1 week. Firstly, I discovered that I'm way too far from being forgiven for the small sins that I've still committing day to day. There's always been self excused for my laziness and me postponing series of daily task that I promised Allah to do. Though years of reciting Surah 103: Al-Asr I found that 'm still at loss (the meaning is this "By the Time! Man is surely in loss, except those who believed and did good works, and exhorted one another to Truth, and exhorted one another to patience".
Secondly, I'm still judging people around me, selfishly felt that this person is wrong, that person is no way matching my achievement, commenting others inside my heart, etc. Although I did not expressed out, all those were the ill conversation that I had inside me just like the 2 personalities of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. The pious man has taught and explain in length in radio few months back about surah Al-Massad or Al-Lahab and the danger of women harboring hatred to peoples around them just like Abu Lahab's wife. A caller asked what happened if she had ill talk only to herself but did not said to that person (just like what I experienced) and the Ustaz said "Allah listen and this are the reason why heaven and hell can only be decided by Him". No one before or after has received the certificate of entrance to Heaven other than Prophet Muhammad and Jesus as both of them has no sins unlike other prophets and majority of us, the human kind. Let us together mirror ourselves dear brother and sister, because Allah knows what's in our heart better than us.
Surah 111: Al-Massad @ Al-Lahab (Palm Fibre, The Flame)
1. Perish the hands of the Father of Flame! Perish he!
2. No profit to him from all his wealth, and all his gains!
3. Burnt soon will he be in a Fire of Blazing Flame!
4. His wife shall carry the (crackling) wood - As fuel!-
5. A twisted rope of palm-leaf fibre round her (own) neck!
Remarks: For those who are interested to know more about Surah 111, may click an English tafseer HERE.
Thirdly, the other day I seek forgiveness from a dearest friend of mine. Later I told Allah of my sincerity of doing that since Allah will only forgive my sin with others after that person has sincerely forgive me. When a friend of mine responded and granted my wish, Dr Jekyll in me has planned a devilish thought as if Allah wanted to test my sincerity. Mr Hyde quickly appeared to takes over from Dr Jekyll and forced me to mirror and reassessed what I have just said while still at a prayer mat. Only then, I seek forgiveness from Allah while weeping uncontrollably. It happens within 2-3 minutes after I read her forgiveness. Sigh, there's so much more that I need to do.
Lastly, yesterday morning on 16th December 2015, I saw my car has been parked slightly out from the parking space. Somebody must have used it without asking my permission. There's some scratch which I could not blame anyone who accidentally hit it. Hubby said it was not him, it must be Syahirah. I suspected Naim and planned a devilish confrontation with him on my way to work. Lucky that Mr Hyde came into rescue and comforted and remind me all those promises that I made with Allah, "indeed, children, property and material, job titles and recognition, achievements what not is only temporary.. nothing can save me in afterlife except for my deeds". The truth of that matter was finally discovered when Syahirah and I went to a movie last night. She confessed that it was her who used my car not Naim. Hence, I immediately called Naim and apologized to him of all my ill talk and devilish plan to attack him in the morning. Blessed me, Allah is really protecting me from hurting people these days. Thank you.. Alhamdulillah for your guidance, ya Allah.