Sunday, June 12, 2016

Am I selfish?

Hubby said yesterday that I live in my own world, not bothering of what's happening to the outside world! He must be observing me all this while. His wife is lo longer that talkative, not forming any opinions when it comes to politics, surrounding people and current public sentiments etc etc. I basically lock my self within the house, office and weekend classes. His wife is not socializing anymore, no shopping activities, no eating outside. This wife of his, prefers spending her free time alone, reading, carrying her Mac Book everywhere in the house, cleaning, washing and her most favorite spot is in bed with Kayla who faithfully following her around seeking her full attention. Yeah.. true, these are what I became these days. Am I selfish?

Enjoying this view is heaven to me..

There are many reasons why I change. Most important of all, I found His light and I gathered my thoughts and priorities in meeting the Almighty 1 day. I am making my preparation. I wanted to be ready, to be accepted. I remembered the oath between us when I was in my mother's womb. I was born in this world with an obligation assigned to me, to obey Him and to be good to the surrounding community. I must give back the things that He has given me. What did He gave me? Goodness gracious ... too much thus far. I would spend the remaining hours of my earthly life by saying my gratitude to what He has given me. This is the one part of my priorities right now. I need 1 more year before shifting to the second obligation.

Having these 3 companies in bed ... suffice for me, really I do not need anything else!

Second in my priority is giving back to the community. What I read in the media is so scary that made me shut them off. It's really painful to see many peoples losing their morality these days. There's no pride in what they are doing so long they have enough in their plates, enough to satisfy their ego. Some of the keyboard warrior bravely commenting on the leaders by forgetting to mirror oneself. Don't you agree with me if there's a shoutout "LET US CHANGE OURSELF FIRST BEFORE CHANGING THE LEADER". I believe when we did just that, I mean "CHANGE", the people around us started to change and sooner or later the world will change too as good morality group of people would elect a good leader among them to lead and leading the nation. So, stop saying and sharing nonsense and ill talk statement in the social media if we cannot even judge ourself, rather, it's easier pointing fingers at others. 

Kayla simply loves the moment when she can snuck off by my side of the bed

Because the world is too scary, I no longer interested to go out. Staying home, building a boundary wall seems too good. Nazhif, my son in fact told me too yesterday of how much I have change. To my surprise the kids did discussed among themselves about what they saw in me. No wonder, when few weeks back when I took a flight to my hometown just to see my old school friend, everyone silently pray that I would get back to my original foot. Seriously .. I hope my family would not worry that much about me because I really wanted to be a better person. I no longer want to speak an unspeakable language to people around me. Being too honest in expressing my opinions sometimes hurt people feeling. I have to be more careful in choosing a proper soft and mild language so that no one will get hurt. I cannot simply said what I like to say. If its not important, don't let it out. I swear that I no longer want to hurt people. Be quite, hiding seems to be a better option.

and sometime she became greedy by taking over my side of the bed

I really really wish to promise people to give me some time to clear my thoughts and to be brave again in meeting them. I'm training myself to be a better person. All I need is time. Once I come out from my cocoon, I promised all of you that you would have a better wife, mother, sister, friends, co-worker etc etc. Wish me luck! The world is too beautiful to be neglected. Peace, love and compassion to all. Happy Ramadan Kareem to those who are fasting!

Dottie too knows his boundary
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