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Monday, March 9, 2015

Can I forgive myself?

My present office mate during our get together for CNY 2015


Last Friday on 6th March 2015, my boss and I were rushing to finalised a multi million ringgit contract. We were both in a rush to get the contract done up as what were commenting by both parties in a series of discussions. The time to meet the other party was at 2.30pm. I was doing alright until he came to me and asked me to prepare another format of commercial presentation to a higher bosses. At some point of time, seeing me struggling to do a final touch on the agreement vis-a-vis 17 attachment to the bespoke agreement, he asked me to email the excel sheet, a commercial comparison to him.

At 1.45pm I prepared the email and press "send".
10 minutes later he  urged me to send, I said I did, he said no, he did not received it...
I was so panicked at that point and straight check on a send list box
OMG OMG, I discovered that I have sent to a wrong person with the same first name
My boss sensed my freak-out state of face and asked "who did you sent to?"
when I showed him, he joined in my frustration by saying all sorts of unpleasant words
I was not paying attention to what he said, instead trying to calm and find some sort of solution
My other colleagues helped me to trace out our IT specialist on the line and ways to retract the email from reaching the other party on our system, the Microsoft Outlook
Khadijah helped by directing me how to do it, I tried to retract the 1st email for 3 times, but no response appeared.. I was so so frustrated
My boss called the recipient to plead him to delete my email, but he did not pick up his phone
Both of our frustration has substantially increased 
He then came and urged whether I managed to retract the email, I was more stressed
I said "I'm not sure and I'm not confident that the recipient did not read and/or open the P&C file", Honestly, I was frozen at the acknowledgement of that fact, my face pale and at the verge of crying...
Before 2.30pm I passed all the documents for my boss to proceed with the meeting without me
In the meantime I kept on trying retracting my email
At 2.32pm, the recipient responded to my retract email message, he said "Received your message just now after return to my desk; had not seen earlier email and have deleted it without seeing it. Please relax there has been no damage done whatsoever."
At 2.45pm, my boss called to say that I can relax now as the recipient had contacted him saying he has received 25 retract message from me and had the deleted the 1st email and its attachment... my head was heavy, seriously heavy..

I thanked the guy from the bottom of my heart for his kindness. I even told my boss that I deserved to receive any punishment from him. I stayed on and finish the contract before leaving the office with him. I was too saddened by the incident. No words in this world can comfort me.

That night, I slept soundly since my heart was heavy and my head could not anymore pressure. As the weekend was occupied with Law classes, I managed to forgive 50% of my enormous mistake as I need to move on. I asked Allah to protect and guide me. The message that I received is "Don't worry so much as I will always look after you.. the verses said by Him in Surah Ad-Dhuha". I have my faith in You, Allah, whether or not my job is safe or not, I leave my fate in your hand.

No matter what people said or see my situation right now, despite "to err is human" I would not be able to forgive my reckless action... though I need to move on. I am sad still.

  
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