Prayer in time of difficulties

I had a viral fever from Saturday but slightly gain strength to attend work on Tuesday. It was a 4 days sick in total. On Sunday, after much deliberated effort, I went to see a doctor which prescribed me with an antibiotics and a medical leave that excused me from work on Monday.  After a meeting on Tuesday, I headed home and Alhamdulillah ables to perform house chores.

Yesterday, during TITAS revision class in University Malaya's law faculty, I was confessing to Zaharah that sadly, reassessing those 4 days conclude me  that heaven would not be mine. During a times of difficulties, I failed to proof my love and loyalty to Allah. I only performed a 5 times obligatory prayer without my routines of un-obligatory ones though I have been disciplines myself diligently to prolong my prayer with additional un-obligatory prayers, zikr and dua's to regain Allah's confidence in my attempt to seek forgiveness over my sins. I did not even recited zikr, the least that I could do while lying in bed feeling sorry and pitied. 

Zaharah comforted me that everybody else also the same. But I have been given a second chance, no no, many chances thus far by Allah to cleanse my sin, yet, I was so ungrately and calculative with less energy left to recite zikr. My mental state at the time of sickness was too low to resist temptation from shaitan... MashaAllah, please forgive me once more Ya Allah.

This morning, during my Duha prayer, I took a phamplet and read the Duha dua's after zikr. 

فِي قَوْلِكَ وَأمَّا بِنِعْمَةِ رَبِّكَ فَحَدِّثْ ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أسْألُكَ بِسُورَةِ الضُّحَى وَبِبَابِ الضُّحَى الَّذِي لاَ يَدْخُلُهُ إِلاَّ الْمُصَلُّونَ لِلضُّحَى ، أنْ تَمُنَّ عَلَيَّ بِيَقَظَةِ الفُؤَادِ لأِكُونَ مِمَّنْ صَحَا ، وَفِي وُجُودِ حَبِيبِهِ وُجُودُهُ انْمَحَى ،

wa kun fissirri muhādithī, falā ’ashhada siwāka min muhaddith, wa ’akūna mimman ’imtathla ’amraka fī qawlika wa ’ammā bini‘mati rabbika fahaddith, ’allāhumma ’innī ’as’aluka bisūrati ’adduhā wa bibābi ’adduhā ’alladhī lā yadkhuluhu ’illā ’almusallūna lidduhā, ’an tamunna ‘alayya biyaqazati ’alfu’ādi li’akūna mimman sahā, wa fī wujūdi habībihi wujūduhu ’inmahā,

Talk to me in secret (in my heart) so I can see (witness) not any one but You the only speaker to me. Make me from those who accepted your instruction in your statement: “But the bounty of Thy lord rehearse and proclaim”. O Allah I call on You by sūrat ’Ad-Duhā (The glorious morning light) and gate of ’Ad-Duhā that will not be intered by any one except those who prays ’Ad-Duhā prayer. And grace me by heart awakeness, so I can be from those awakened. And erased their existance, in the presence of their lover existance,

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّى أتَشَفَّعُ عِنْدَكَ بِمَنْ سَنَّ الضُّحَى وَصَلاَّهَا ، وَبِالشَّمْسِ وَضُحَاهَا ، وَالقَمَرِ إِذَا تَلاَهَا وَالنَّهَارِ إِذَا جَلاَّهَا ، وَاللَّيْلِ إِذَا يَغْشَاهَا ، أنْ تَرْفَعَ عَنْ عَيْنِ القَلْبِ غِطَاهَا وَغِشَاهَا ، لِتَشْهَدَ الأَشْيَاءَ عَلَى مَا هِيَ عَلَيْهِ عِيَاناً ، وَتُدْرِكَ ذَلِكَ كَشْفاً وَإِيقَاناً يَا الله ، يَا الله ، يَا الله ،

’allāhumma ’innī ’atashaffa‘u ‘indaka biman sanna ’adduhā wa sallāhā, wa bishshamsi wa duhāhā, walqamari ’idhā talāhā, wannahāri ’idhā jallāhā, wallayli ’idhā yaghshāhā, ’an tarfa‘a ‘an ‘ayni ’alqalbi

ghitāhā wa ghishāhā, litashhada ’al’ashyā’a ‘alā mā hiya ‘alayhi ‘iyānā, wa tudrika dhālika kashfan wa ’īqānan yā ’Allāh, yā ’Allāh, yā ’Allāh,

O Allah I interceed to You by the one who initiated ’Ad-Duhā prayer, and practised it. By the sun and its (glorious) splendor. By the moon as it follows (the sun). By the day as it shows up (the sun's glory). By the night as it conceals it. I call on You by all these, so as to remove the cover from the eye of the heart. So it can see things clearly and (as they are in their real forms). And understand all that, by true 
faith and by witnessing. O Allah, O Allah, O Allah.

وَصَلَّى اللهُ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ الْمُنْزَلِ عَلَيْهِ فَأوْحَى إِلَى عَبْدِهِ مَا أوْحَى ، وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ مَا صَلَّى مُصَلٍّ صَلاَةَ الضُّحَى ، وَعَلى التَّابِعِينَ وَتَابِعِيهِمْ بِإِحْسَانٍ إِلَى يَوْمِ الدِّينِ وَالْحَمْدُ للهِ رَبِّ العَالَمِينَ .

wa sallā ’Allāhu ‘alā sayyidinā Muhammadin ’almunzali ‘alayhi fa’awhā ’ilā ‘abdihi mā ’awhā, wa ‘alā ’ālihi wa sahbihi mā sallā musallin salāt ’adduhā, wa ‘alā ’attābi‘īna wa tābi‘īhim bi’ihsānin ’ilā yawmi ’addīn walhamdu lillāhi rabbi ’al‘ālamīn.

Allah prayers be upon sayyidinā Muhammad to whom came the revelation: “so did (Allah) convey the inspiration to his servant (convyed) what he (meant) to convey”. His family and companions, as long as any worshipper prayed ’Ad-Duhā prayer. Also Allah prayers upon the followers and those follow them by doing good, till the day of religion. And praise be to Allah the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds.

Allow me Ya Allah to regain your confidence once more, so that I would at least deserve your unconditional love. I would do my best, yes I will, to devote myself only to you "WITHOUT CONDITION".

Peace and love....